Sects, Love and Rock & Roll

I have got to write a book. Not just start one like I have a hundred times...ok, like maybe 20, but still. I am reading Sects, Love and Rock & Roll by Joel Heng Hartse. It's his personal account and take on the Christian music revolution. I can so relate! I just have about 10 years on him.

I have a different experience when it comes to the local stuff. The Connection, The Corral, Spioncycle, The PUSH, TOM Fest...I have so much to tell. I think the thing that has been holding me back is that I feel that the book has to be very factual and time line-ish, when I now realize that my story would be relate able and I need to get it down on paper.

In the mean time, read this: Sects, Love and Rock & Roll

Guilt, Health & Marriage

Today after church, I cut up a bunch of veggies and threw them in a crock pot. Carrots, celery, onion and a head of cabbage, sprinkled with thyme and rosemary and minced garlic and chicken broth poured over the top.

Then, because I was hungry, I opened a can of white beans, added a little pepper and have been eating them with a spoon. Room temperature. Dr. Oz is a big believer in beans to lose your gut...so...

I also sliced and squeezed the juice of a large lemon into 24 oz of iced water. I need to clean out my body.

This past week, I have turned to food almost daily. I have gorged myself. Not at home, but secretly. I go grocery shopping and then get a little cash back and use it for junk food. Drive thrus, pastries, etc...secretly.

This past year has been rough on the marriage. We're slowly but surely working through a bunch of crap, but every once in a while, I lose it and turn to food. I eat til it hurts sometimes. I'll be doing real well, eating lean meats, veggies, fruit, lots of salad and water...and then BOOM. Life happens and I fall hard.

Me in 1993 - age 19 - 150 lbs.

I have gained 100 lbs since 1994, when I started dating Chris. Just being honest - maybe so I can be vulnerable, or maybe to help someone else...I don't know. It's embarrassing, but it's the truth. Then, since last spring, Chris started losing weight. He went from about 165 to 128 (at last weigh). Check a BMI counter or ideal weight chart and he's perfect size for his height, but it's tough on me. Now when I have my anxiety eating thing, I have to remember that every bite can take me even further away from his weight. Bigger than him. So much bigger and that makes me so much more anxious.

So, today and today alone, I choose to eat veggies, drink lemon water and loose leaf tea and take care of myself. Not to be thinner, but to know that I'm doing the right thing as a mom and wife. I want to be sexy, and while I can be heavy and sexy, I still feel fat inside. It's a tremendous burden and I want it gone. I'll mess up again and feel rotten again, but today, I choose health.

xoxo- e

My Passion...

Grief Enthusiast

Nailed It!

I got my nails done. I mean...like...acrylics. I decided that I've been a nail biter all my life and I am constantly embarrassed at my nails. I'm turning 40 this year, and if I haven't stopped biting them yet, why would I quite later? So, the second half of my life will include fake nails!

I had acrylics done professionally once before, in 1989. I was 15 and a bridesmaid in Royce and Lori Hull's wedding. I remember it was difficult to wipe my...er...butt. So, this time, I got them short, sporty and squared. Much better result.

The tips I chose were fuchsia glitter and my ring finger tips were gold glitter. so fun. That lasted about 2 days and I have been painting and repainting them ever since. When I get a fill, I'm going for the clear coat. I just love painting them and the creative side of me can't help it! At this moment they are peach with a sparkle clear coat over the top. My Irish skin looks just fabulous in peach. Glad it's back in. I haven't worn peach since Jason Lee Middle School. My Coca-Cola shirt was peach and white. ;)

xoxo - e

Life Lately

January - BOO, a female Havanese joins our family

February - Cannon turns FIVE!

February - Flannery's first dance!

March - Chris turns 38!

Flannery's First Day of School 2012

I have a middle schooler. 6th grade. This is big. Before she started, she decided she wanted her hair red. I protested a bit and than Chris said, "It's just hair." So, we colored it. She got a fabulous cut at a salon, and in June, she got her braces on. She's all grown up.

She plays soccer, goes to youth group twice a week, joined beginning band and plays the clarinet. We started attending church again, after a hiatus after Easter and I joined a women's group that meets Thursday evenings. 

My creativity is stuck in the mud right now and I haven't been designing or creating at all lately. I miss it, but I know better than to force it. When I do that, it's never pretty. 

I love living in Gresham, close to friends and to our families. We've been here a little over a year now, and I think we like it. So far so good.

I always want to be something more. Chris pointed this out to me when I sat here and made a list of all the projects and businesses I have started and all the things I want to become.

I want to be a crisis counselor, a grief counselor and a certified funeral director.
Good Grief is my death and dying business...we also do Relay for Life every year. I love working with the terminally ill and planning their funeral/memorial services. I love to comfort the grieving.

I want to be a published writer in the style of Anne Lamott. Stories of my own life, reflections and such. I'm great at that.

I want to be a popular face in the scrapbooking industry with Trish Hafer. I want Back Stage Originals to take off and become hugely popular...tour the country with our product and teach classes.

I want to be Mikee Bridges' assistant again. The festivals and shows...I was so good at that job. I am fantastic at organization, memory and deadlines. He's moved to Ventura, and it's not exactly a possibility, but I still have that desire.

Chris brought up the idea that right now, I am a wife and mother. I'm good at it. Why can't this be my first priority? Why do I fight it? Today, I decided to make it my priority. I did my chores, did a little extra, made a list for summer activities, made dinner and really feel great about it.

I know that God knows my future and He didn't give me these dreams and desires to just sit and make me miserable. I may indeed become a funeral director, travel with Trish and fly in and help Mikee with events. I might start writing again. But to take the focus off of everything and "be present" (thanks Oprah), I felt a huge weight lifted off of me.

I think I can breathe again. Thanks Chris. I love you.

New Year...A Month Later...

I'm trying to become a morning person. For the past month I have had it easy. Chris has been waking Flannery for school, taking her to school, coming home and when Cannon awoke, he fed and played with Cannon until I woke up around 10 or 11 am. Well, he's working days this week and I have had to rise at 6:30 am and get Flannery off to school on the bus. Usually, when I've had these mornings, I go back to bed until about 9 am until Cannon wakes up. Well, I've decided to instead stay up, clean the house a bit, catch up on TV, news and drink coffee until Cannon wakes up.

This is day 3. So far so good. I feel more alive or something. I move more during the day, get things done and actually feel creative!

January 1st 2012, Trish and I met and were inspired to finally go for it and kick Back Stage Originals into high gear. One month later, we have sold 10 orders (a few LARGE orders) on our Etsy site, have 120 "likes" on our Facebook page and are selling better than ever at A Joy Forever, our favorite scrapbook store in Milwaukie, OR.

I am the marketing girl, mostly, and when I get inspired, I create and design. Trish is the head designer and finances girl. We're actually getting a paycheck this month! So weird to be making money living my dream. I love this!!

Visit us on facebook and shop at our Etsy store!

A Little Catch Up...

Grandma Brockway passed away surrounded by her kids and most of her grandkids on October 20th. I haven't had a chance to mourn her much and that has proved to be tough on me.

With the holidays here I miss her so much and also long for my mom and sister. 6 hours to see them in almost eastern Washington. This year, everything is different. I feel like I've gotten 10 years older. you lose grandma and you're just not a kid anymore.

Chris and I threw the biggest Christmas party yet with almost 60 bodies in our home. Now we want to do it again. It was the best one yet and I miss our guests already.

I'm planning on blogging more and then I don't. So hang in there, friends...I'll get it going again soon!

My favorite worship band...has Christmas Music out!!!

So excited. Seriously? He's my favorite.