At night, sometimes I just lie there and think and think and think. I was even thinking about going to the doctor to see if this is normal. This isn't only at night, but sometimes all day long. Here and there. Does anyone else think about these things?
I think about people I went to elementary school, junior high and high school with and things we did. Walking to Kris Barnes' house and watching Cujo. - The junior high social when Matt Braithwaite and I danced until there was a group of people watching and he flipped me over his back and then regretted it. - Learning to smoke with Tres Harding and learning that stretch marks on boobs are "not a good thing to have." - My first French kiss with Corey Greenwood in the middle of choir class and Shane Chandlee cheering him on from across the room. - Lying in the field behind Felida Elementary with Chad Spence just talking about everything. - Robin and I planning our wedding to The Secret of my Success soundtrack to Chris McKinney and Shane Chandlee. - Getting off the bus and walking to Chris Hipsher's house so he could teach me how to kiss. Like daily. No joke. - The summer between 6th and 7th grade when I would go with Chad Spence, Justin Lein and Mike Uribe and swim in Salmon Creek behind Mike's house. - Freshman tennis with Nikki Chapman (whom I idolized). - When Doug Hayworth made me kiss him and I was so glad he did. - Bloody knuckles with Woody Pratt during Home Ec - When Kyle Schmahl kissed me and I let him even though Robin loved him (bad friend points.) - When Kyle introduced me to U2. - My first "real" boyfriend, Scott Esteb, kissing me on the bleachers during a track meet - When Asia and I saw Eric Palodichuck a week before he was killed and he told her she had nice boobs. - Kip Beelman and our nightly phone convos in jr. high. - Jennifer Butler and our obsession with Def Leppard, Richard Marx and The Last American Virgin...
I seriously, could write a freaking book of a million little anecdotes and memories that are small but powerful. They shaped me. I almost feel more free from them after writing them down. Hmmmm...On a different note -
My favorite thing I've been thinking about is when I watch Cannon sleep. I look at his fat lips and big soft eyelids with eyelashes women would kill for and I can't look away. I just murmur "thank you Father" over and over and wonder if this what Mary said as she looked onto the face of her sleeping son, Jesus. Looking at Cannon makes me so happy to be a mother. I love watching Flannery interact with him, teach him his alphabet, read to him, comfort him and even discipline him to some extent and I am so glad I have taught her well. She's amazing with him.
Being a wife and mother trump the childhood memories, but sometimes it nice to just remember. The problem is...I have a feeling they don't remember...but maybe it doesn't matter.