Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Sects, Love and Rock & Roll

I have got to write a book. Not just start one like I have a hundred times...ok, like maybe 20, but still. I am reading Sects, Love and Rock & Roll by Joel Heng Hartse. It's his personal account and take on the Christian music revolution. I can so relate! I just have about 10 years on him.

I have a different experience when it comes to the local stuff. The Connection, The Corral, Spioncycle, The PUSH, TOM Fest...I have so much to tell. I think the thing that has been holding me back is that I feel that the book has to be very factual and time line-ish, when I now realize that my story would be relate able and I need to get it down on paper.

In the mean time, read this: Sects, Love and Rock & Roll

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Guilt, Health & Marriage

Today after church, I cut up a bunch of veggies and threw them in a crock pot. Carrots, celery, onion and a head of cabbage, sprinkled with thyme and rosemary and minced garlic and chicken broth poured over the top.

Then, because I was hungry, I opened a can of white beans, added a little pepper and have been eating them with a spoon. Room temperature. Dr. Oz is a big believer in beans to lose your gut...so...

I also sliced and squeezed the juice of a large lemon into 24 oz of iced water. I need to clean out my body.

This past week, I have turned to food almost daily. I have gorged myself. Not at home, but secretly. I go grocery shopping and then get a little cash back and use it for junk food. Drive thrus, pastries, etc...secretly.

This past year has been rough on the marriage. We're slowly but surely working through a bunch of crap, but every once in a while, I lose it and turn to food. I eat til it hurts sometimes. I'll be doing real well, eating lean meats, veggies, fruit, lots of salad and water...and then BOOM. Life happens and I fall hard.

Me in 1993 - age 19 - 150 lbs.

I have gained 100 lbs since 1994, when I started dating Chris. Just being honest - maybe so I can be vulnerable, or maybe to help someone else...I don't know. It's embarrassing, but it's the truth. Then, since last spring, Chris started losing weight. He went from about 165 to 128 (at last weigh). Check a BMI counter or ideal weight chart and he's perfect size for his height, but it's tough on me. Now when I have my anxiety eating thing, I have to remember that every bite can take me even further away from his weight. Bigger than him. So much bigger and that makes me so much more anxious.

So, today and today alone, I choose to eat veggies, drink lemon water and loose leaf tea and take care of myself. Not to be thinner, but to know that I'm doing the right thing as a mom and wife. I want to be sexy, and while I can be heavy and sexy, I still feel fat inside. It's a tremendous burden and I want it gone. I'll mess up again and feel rotten again, but today, I choose health.

xoxo- e

Monday, February 24, 2014

Nailed It!

I got my nails done. I mean...like...acrylics. I decided that I've been a nail biter all my life and I am constantly embarrassed at my nails. I'm turning 40 this year, and if I haven't stopped biting them yet, why would I quite later? So, the second half of my life will include fake nails!

I had acrylics done professionally once before, in 1989. I was 15 and a bridesmaid in Royce and Lori Hull's wedding. I remember it was difficult to wipe my...er...butt. So, this time, I got them short, sporty and squared. Much better result.

The tips I chose were fuchsia glitter and my ring finger tips were gold glitter. so fun. That lasted about 2 days and I have been painting and repainting them ever since. When I get a fill, I'm going for the clear coat. I just love painting them and the creative side of me can't help it! At this moment they are peach with a sparkle clear coat over the top. My Irish skin looks just fabulous in peach. Glad it's back in. I haven't worn peach since Jason Lee Middle School. My Coca-Cola shirt was peach and white. ;)

xoxo - e