I always want to be something more. Chris pointed this out to me when I sat here and made a list of all the projects and businesses I have started and all the things I want to become.

I want to be a crisis counselor, a grief counselor and a certified funeral director.
Good Grief is my death and dying business...we also do Relay for Life every year. I love working with the terminally ill and planning their funeral/memorial services. I love to comfort the grieving.

I want to be a published writer in the style of Anne Lamott. Stories of my own life, reflections and such. I'm great at that.

I want to be a popular face in the scrapbooking industry with Trish Hafer. I want Back Stage Originals to take off and become hugely popular...tour the country with our product and teach classes.

I want to be Mikee Bridges' assistant again. The festivals and shows...I was so good at that job. I am fantastic at organization, memory and deadlines. He's moved to Ventura, and it's not exactly a possibility, but I still have that desire.

Chris brought up the idea that right now, I am a wife and mother. I'm good at it. Why can't this be my first priority? Why do I fight it? Today, I decided to make it my priority. I did my chores, did a little extra, made a list for summer activities, made dinner and really feel great about it.

I know that God knows my future and He didn't give me these dreams and desires to just sit and make me miserable. I may indeed become a funeral director, travel with Trish and fly in and help Mikee with events. I might start writing again. But to take the focus off of everything and "be present" (thanks Oprah), I felt a huge weight lifted off of me.

I think I can breathe again. Thanks Chris. I love you.

New Year...A Month Later...

I'm trying to become a morning person. For the past month I have had it easy. Chris has been waking Flannery for school, taking her to school, coming home and when Cannon awoke, he fed and played with Cannon until I woke up around 10 or 11 am. Well, he's working days this week and I have had to rise at 6:30 am and get Flannery off to school on the bus. Usually, when I've had these mornings, I go back to bed until about 9 am until Cannon wakes up. Well, I've decided to instead stay up, clean the house a bit, catch up on TV, news and drink coffee until Cannon wakes up.

This is day 3. So far so good. I feel more alive or something. I move more during the day, get things done and actually feel creative!

January 1st 2012, Trish and I met and were inspired to finally go for it and kick Back Stage Originals into high gear. One month later, we have sold 10 orders (a few LARGE orders) on our Etsy site, have 120 "likes" on our Facebook page and are selling better than ever at A Joy Forever, our favorite scrapbook store in Milwaukie, OR.

I am the marketing girl, mostly, and when I get inspired, I create and design. Trish is the head designer and finances girl. We're actually getting a paycheck this month! So weird to be making money living my dream. I love this!!

Visit us on facebook and shop at our Etsy store!

A Little Catch Up...

Grandma Brockway passed away surrounded by her kids and most of her grandkids on October 20th. I haven't had a chance to mourn her much and that has proved to be tough on me.

With the holidays here I miss her so much and also long for my mom and sister. 6 hours to see them in almost eastern Washington. This year, everything is different. I feel like I've gotten 10 years older. you lose grandma and you're just not a kid anymore.

Chris and I threw the biggest Christmas party yet with almost 60 bodies in our home. Now we want to do it again. It was the best one yet and I miss our guests already.

I'm planning on blogging more and then I don't. So hang in there, friends...I'll get it going again soon!

My favorite worship band...has Christmas Music out!!!

So excited. Seriously? He's my favorite.

Crazy Sexy Cancer

I love this book. It's a fantastic encouragement to women going through cancer, especially if you've just been diagnosed. Good stuff.

Just Breathe

Breathing in and out seemed so commonplace about 20 years ago...and then little by little, I've had to remind myself to slow down, reevaluate and breathe.

19 years ago, I met Chris and my breath caught in my throat and I was overcome with love and goodness and had to remind myself to breathe in and out.

13 years ago, we were wed and he finished that last year at college in Seattle while I was in Portland and I had to trust him...to learn to trust a man was new and the breathing stopped for a time.

10 years ago, I was breathing fine and then we had beautiful Flannery. Anxiety stopped my breathing this time...and because of seeking guidance through my PPD, I was taught to breathe. In and out...in and out.

3 1/2 years ago, we had Cannon and my breathing continued on...knowing the signs and keeping friends close assisted me in taking the breaths I needed to take to function as a wife and mother.

2 1/2 years ago, we moved to the beach with an ocean view and I could breathe deeply, maybe for the first time in years.

This past summer, we thought I might have cancer...so we held our breaths and decided to move back to town where friends and family could care for my children and me during chemo treatments and the sickness that would occur. Blood tests, CT scan, biopsy and results: We could breathe.

Made the move to a big house in Gresham. Perfect for parties, family gatherings and game nights with friends, but the builder dropped the ball and didn't follow contract. We had to move. Breath held.

Chris and I decided the kids and I could breathe better out of town - so we stayed with Kelly and Melissa - breathing, laughing, playing cards, watching TV and movies and splashing at the lake.

Then Melissa went for a routine surgery...and ended up in critical condition. For days. Kelly and I could breathe through our weeping and wailing and crying out to God for mercy on her. But the breathing would pause when there was a setback. And every other day, it was another setback. Finally, after 22 days, she was released to go home and we all can breathe...in and out.

This month, we moved into our home, it feels...cozy, medium sized and perfect for our family. We're breathing together now, for the first time in a long time. Friends and family are near again and all is calm as of now. We'll be here a long time if the Lord wills and if He tarries.

The past summer, we felt like a new born calf who when birthed, drops to the ground, slimy and exhausted...shaking as it attempts to stand. And when it stands, it wobbles for a bit. But it will be able to breathe on it's own, in and out, in and out, and eventually will dance and frolic across the pasture.

We're Home

The Good Wife

I'm sending Chris on a break to relax and read alone in an air conditioned library. He needs a break. Who we kidding...we're moving tomorrow and we both need a break before the big day. I'm officially sick and tired of moving.

Flannery's First Day of School 2011

FIFTH GRADE!

Moses Lake/Coulee City in Pics

JOSIAH-FLANNERY-ALICE
JEFFREY AND HIS NEW TAT AT THE CORNER OF HUSKY AND COUGAR
MY "GOOD THING" TAT
MY GOOD GRIEF TAT- ribbons Blue in memory of Amy Brown and her fight against colon cancer in 2006. Lime is for Laurie Wakefield who survived Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Yellow is in memory of Tim Fadel who lost his fight against synovial sarcoma in 2008.











MOSES LAKE WATER PLAY & BBQ


Jeffrey, kickin' it at Moses Lake
MELISSA IN ICU AFTER SURGICAL COMPLICATIONS. CURRENTLY ON DAY 17 IN SEATTLE.